Oxford University Association Football Club

Biography

The internationally reknowned NGIC manages to tear himself away from his needy Mrs. for about 90 minutes every Friday afternoon to come and watch the Somerville 1st XI. No-one can deny his dedication to the bench and his flair for celebration, though there still remain large question marks about both his talent and physical condition as his recently diagnosed disability is clearly having knock-on effects on his co-ordination.

Despite his 'step up b*tch' mantra, this poor-man's-Peter-Crouch aka Jan Venegoor of Hesselink, has consistenly failed to perform for the first eleven, despite impressing at reserve level. An inside source has suggested that social reasons are to blame for this, as Ed has reportedly struggled to make an impact in his own year and has only recently begun to fit in with the rest of the squad, thanks mainly to his 'deus ex machina' and savior, Jig Plowright.

"I really would like to say a huge thank you to him (Jig) for rescuing me from total obscurity," said Fuller during a recent interview, "without him I would almost definitely have remained in the wilderness, spouting out the usual lunacies to myself, in my ridiculous, inimitable voice. So really you could say that he (Jig) made me."

More to follow...